part 0, chapter 6

“It’s hopeless!” he muses to himself, seeing his terrified eyes in the bathroom mirror. The fluorescent lights are singing, and the chatter from outside can’t be heard.

he’s starting to panic. and claude’s trying, oh how he’s trying, but they both know how it’s going to end. he loses himself in their last day. 

charlie knew too well that he shouldn’t ever go back, but he did, and he had, and it seemed like he never wanted to stop. that perfect day under the cold october sun, and all the time they had spent caught up in each other.

above all, he remembered how lovely he looked that day. and how lovely he felt. it was something he never wanted to leave behind.

but he realizes then, in his last moments of life, that claude looked lovely then too.

he’s awake. he can hear the wind roaring in his ears, the waves crashing against the shore. the sky is a deep blue above him. and the metal embedded in his chest hadn’t gone away.

it’s then that he sees it, the man starting into the water, his dark hair clinging to his neck and his shirt showing the outline of his gaunt body. charlie’s getting up, ignoring the red cascading from him, the pain. 

he stumbles across the sand, meeting the sea and continuing onward though his whole body is shaking. the man a few feet in front of him stops short. he turns, taking him in and seeing the blue ocean turning red around him.

“charlie?” he asks, looking absolutely shattered. tears start to roll down his cheeks.

“i’m going to stay.” he says. he’s beginning to feel cold. his body is shutting down. he wants to say more but the sky and the sea start to look the same, blurring together into bright blue, white, and then nothing.

part 0, chapter 5

He had a dream of him reaching out, standing in a golden field. The sky was bright blue and the wind was blowing lightly, playing with his hair. He looked happy.

"Come on." he said, his hand extended to him. "It's not that far from here."

They laid on the ground staring up at the sky. He felt warm next to him. Safe. Nothing else mattered in those few minutes. They both carried the scars, and had done so for so long, but on that day it was all forgotten. He almost could have called it home.

But his real wounds had started to ache and he could smell the iron in the air. Claude hadn't noticed yet but it was only a matter of time. He was so tired of hurting him.

In the summer of 1997, over a decade before the end, Charlie knew what he had to do.

part 0, chapter 4

Bruises on his neck, his ghostly complexion, the wound on his chest that never seemed to heal. He took it all in as Claude spoke next to him. "Look." 

There was worry etched in the lines under his eyes and how dark they seemed to have gotten. "Look what it's doing to you." He said, and Charlie thought he could see him tearing up a little. That scared him. Claude almost never cried.

"Fine. S-so what? It's not like we can go back." At the thought of doing so, fear ran all through him and he had to stop thinking about it.

The fluorescent lights were burning into his eyes, and he wanted to leave. But somehow he was stuck staring at his own reflection. The longer he looked, the more tired his self in the glass seemed to be.

part 0, chapter 3

Charlie wasn't answering. His blood stained the grass red.

There wasn't anything he could do. He slumped into a sitting position and stared at him. His eyes were looking up at the sky, unblinking.

Suddenly the world changed. He couldn't see, but the sound of an alarm clock was ringing in his ears. Desperately he tried to open his eyes, move, anything. Then everything came into view.

"Are you okay?" Charlie extended his hand to him. He took it and stood up, looking in shock around him, blue sky and white clouds, a road stretching onward into the distance. No rain, no jungle, and no blood.

part 0, chapter 2

He was running as fast as he could across the wet grass, crying and out of breath. He had never wanted to see this place again, never wanted anything to do with it, but something was wrong and he could feel it.

Then he saw them, Claude and himself from thirty years ago. But it was all wrong.

Charlie saw himself at age 19 slumped over and choking on his own blood, staining his hands red as he tried to cover his mouth. His eyes were dim but wide open, the light fading out of them. Claude was frozen in place as he stared at the wound.

"No," he said quietly, watching as Charlie fell to the ground. He still hadn't moved, tears streaming down his cheeks.

This was all wrong.

part 0, chapter 1

It was simple, but he was finding it difficult to wrap his head around it. Instead of continuing forward, like he had planned, he sat down. It was cold for fall and the high winds made it worse. He could only sit there and listen to the sound of the waves.

For a moment he almost felt it, the water closing in around him and taking his air. The endless blue stretched out before him. But it was gone as soon as it came and he still couldn't will himself to move.

This is what I wanted. he thought. I thought I wanted this. What am I doing?

As if to remind him, increasingly he could feel the cold metal that was around his neck. He thought of his name engraved into it and tried not to throw up. Even though he hated it with his whole being he never got rid of it, and it stayed around his neck. Day and night, awake and asleep, dead and alive.

He stood.