It was simple, but he was finding it difficult to wrap his head around it. Instead of continuing forward, like he had planned, he sat down. It was cold for fall and the high winds made it worse. He could only sit there and listen to the sound of the waves.
For a moment he almost felt it, the water closing in around him and taking his air. The endless blue stretched out before him. But it was gone as soon as it came and he still couldn't will himself to move.
This is what I wanted. he thought. I thought I wanted this. What am I doing?
As if to remind him, increasingly he could feel the cold metal that was around his neck. He thought of his name engraved into it and tried not to throw up. Even though he hated it with his whole being he never got rid of it, and it stayed around his neck. Day and night, awake and asleep, dead and alive.
He stood.
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